⚠ Satire & AI Disclaimer: Satirical, AI-generated parody for educational purposes. The tip jar below is inert — no payment is processed. Full disclaimer →
Solidarity · Champi · Lord Vishnu mode

🪔 Buy the zebra a head massage.

The zebra has, technically speaking, been through a lot. Eighteen months of running like a horse on donkey legs while being summarised by an AI as a striped behavioural risk will do that to a skull. The civilizationally-correct response, in this geography, is a slow, two-handed, hot-oil champi. The Lord Vishnu response — the one from the old stories — is to end the darkness, not by fighting it, but by gently, firmly, smelling-of-coconut-oil pressing it out of someone's temples until they remember they are a person.

Why a head massage?

Because every other "wellness" intervention this industry has invented — the EAP, the Calm app subscription, the "mindfulness" Slack channel, the "psychological safety" all-hands — has been issued after the harm and by the people who caused it. A real champi is none of those things. It is older than the industry. It is older than the country's IT sector. It is older than HR.

It is also one of the few things you can give a recovering worker that does not come with a feedback form.

The Lord Vishnu reference

In the old stories, when the world becomes too dark, an avatar arrives — not always to fight, sometimes simply to name the darkness and then quietly remove it. This page is not claiming an avatar. This page is claiming the methodology: name the darkness (see the blog), give the affected being a champi, walk on. Repeat as needed across approximately four million skulls.

What "buying" a head massage means here

It means: this page is a tip jar. The buttons below do not currently process any payment — there is no backend. If you want to actually contribute to the recovery of a tech worker exited under a vague psychological label, the most honest things you can do today are:

  • Refer them to a job opening at the right level, with a different kind of manager.
  • Write them a strong, specific, honest LinkedIn recommendation.
  • Send them ₹500 over UPI for actual chai and an actual head massage.
  • Stop laughing along when their old manager makes "jokes" about them in another room.

🪔 Tip jar (inert)

Pick a head-massage tier. Nothing is processed. The buttons exist so you can simulate the gesture and feel briefly virtuous, which is the same emotional product modern corporate "wellness" sells, but at a much better price.

No payment processor is integrated. No data is collected. This page is satire and solidarity, not a charity vehicle.

If you want to do more than a button

Six unflashy, deeply effective things.

â‘  Refer them, with intent

Don't "happy to introduce" — actually introduce. Send the warm note. CC the hiring manager. Vouch on the merits.

â‘¡ Write the strong recommendation

Specific projects. Specific impact. Specific quotes. Not "great team player." LinkedIn rec done in 20 minutes is a year of saved suffering.

â‘¢ Speak up in the room

The next time their old manager re-tells the convenient version of the story in another meeting, name what's happening. Even softly.

â‘£ Don't sign the doc

If you are ever asked to corroborate a vague behavioural complaint against a junior whose work you respect — read carefully. Ask for specifics. Politely decline if there are none.

⑤ Pay them, if they're freelancing now

A real ₹15,000 short engagement is worth more than a thousand Slack-channel hugs.

â‘¥ Send them a real head massage

Gift card, voucher, whatever. The body remembers what the calendar forgets.