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MindGames Suite™
Schedule cryptic 1:1s, ghost employees on Slack for 9 days, and surface vague "concerns" exactly two days before performance reviews. Gaslighting-as-a-Service.
Learn more →Zebra in India helps enterprise managers run mind games at scale, weaponize HR processes, monitor presence to the millisecond, and resurface every word an employee ever said — all from one beautifully designed dashboard. Because empathy doesn't ship features.
No credit card required. Your dignity, however, is non-refundable.
Trusted by completely fictional enterprises
All companies above are entirely fictional and exist only inside this parody.
From manufactured urgency to retroactive performance narratives, our modules are designed to keep you in the loop — the HR loop.
Schedule cryptic 1:1s, ghost employees on Slack for 9 days, and surface vague "concerns" exactly two days before performance reviews. Gaslighting-as-a-Service.
Learn more →Pings your laptop every 12 seconds. Goes red the moment you blink. Auto-generates "engagement concerns" if you take a bathroom break longer than 4 minutes.
Learn more →Publish 47 progressive policies on the careers page. Quietly retaliate against anyone who actually uses them. Beautiful PDFs included.
Learn more →Records every meeting, every Slack message, every off-hand comment from 2019. Search "things they said" by employee, mood, and quarter. Perfect for ambushes.
Learn more →Convert any reasonable request — a chair, a day off, a smaller workload — into a 6-month "investigation" that quietly destroys mental health and career trajectory.
Learn more →After you ship, Senior Zebras can re-attribute your work to "the AI" or "the team." You get a thoughtful note about being "more strategic" next quarter.
Learn more →AlwaysOnline Tracker™ measures the exact millisecond your status changes from "Available" to "Away" and routes a calendar invite titled "Quick chat 🙂" to your manager — automatically.
MemoryVault™ silently records, transcribes, and tags every meeting, message, and casual hallway comment. Need to derail a promotion conversation? Pull up that mildly sarcastic Slack reaction from Q2 2021.
"I asked for a quieter desk. Six months later I was in my fourth HR mediation about my 'communication style.'"
"My manager pulled up something I said in a 2020 onboarding call to deny my promotion. I'd forgotten I even said it. They hadn't."
"I shipped the entire project. In the review the senior zebra said the AI wrote it and I should be 'more humble.' I had no AI access."
Hire a human. Bend its back until it looks like a donkey. Tell the donkey it must run like a horse. When it inevitably stumbles, generate an AI-rendered hallucination of a stylish, striped, premium horse — call it a zebra — and put that on the careers page instead. Quietly retire the donkey via "first and final written warning."
Hired with a friendly offer letter. Has a mother. Has a grandmother. Has a Sunday. Briefly believes the careers page.
AI assistant + E2E + on-call + "support the team." No SDLC. No design review. Daily 11 PM Slack pings. The back curves.
"Run faster. Smile in 1:1s. Do not mention grandmothers. Horses don't ask for Sundays." The donkey runs. The donkey ships. The bonus is ₹8,000.
An AI summarises 18 months of work as "three concerns." HR signs a first-and-final. The exit document calls the donkey a "psychological threat." The stripes were never the donkey's.
Read the full essay → Or how the real zebra evolved (in 55M years) →
more "performance improvement plans" issued within 14 days of a wellness-policy launch.
of "open door" conversations end in a confidential file the employee never sees.
average time from "I'd like to discuss workload" to "we're parting ways."