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Careers

Join the dazzle.

(That's the official term for a group of zebras. Also a coping mechanism.) We hire stripes, not people. If you're looking for psychological safety, please refer to our disclaimer.

Our "Values"

What we say vs. what actually happens.

🪞 Radical Candor

Brochure: "We give honest, kind feedback."
Reality: Public roasting in standup, vague concerns in your review, ghosting in 1:1s.

🌱 Growth Mindset

Brochure: "We invest in our people."
Reality: $0 L&D budget. "Stretch projects" with EOD deadlines. No promotions, ever.

🧘 Work-Life Balance

Brochure: "We respect boundaries."
Reality: 11:47 PM "?" from your manager. Saturday standups. PTO requests trigger an HR loop.

🤝 Inclusive Culture

Brochure: "Belonging matters."
Reality: The same five Senior Zebras decide everything. Their decisions are "the team's."

💡 Bias for Action

Brochure: "Move fast."
Reality: Move fast. Get blamed when it breaks. Senior zebra takes the credit anyway.

🦓 Be a Zebra

Brochure: "Stand out by being yourself."
Reality: Stripes must be uniform. Variation will be flagged in MemoryVault™.

Open Roles

Currently hiring (no one will get back to you).

All postings are deliberately vague. Salary "competitive" (meaning we'll low-ball you). Remote-friendly (meaning we'll track your green dot harder).

Senior Engineer (will be told they're junior)

EngineeringL5 → reclassified to L3
📍 Bengaluru / Remote-but-not-really
💸 "Competitive" (we won't tell you)
Apply

Engineering Manager (Mind Games Specialist)

PeoplePIP-curious
📍 Hybrid (5 days in office)
💸 Stock options expire before vesting
Apply

HR Business Partner — Loop Architect

PeopleConfidentiality theater
📍 Anywhere we can't be cross-examined
💸 Bonus tied to # of "investigations" closed without findings
Apply

Director, Wellness Theatre

MarketingPR-driven
📍 LinkedIn
💸 Negotiable downward
Apply

Designer (will be asked to "just code it")

DesignScope: ∞
📍 Remote (cameras on, always)
💸 Equity = encouragement
Apply

Senior Zebra (Credit Reattribution Lead)

LeadershipNo accountability
📍 Wherever the bonus is
💸 7-figure, plus your work
Apply
Hiring Process

Our seven-stage interview funnel.

  1. Recruiter screen (45 min, mostly about your salary)
  2. Hiring manager call (cancelled twice, then ghosted)
  3. Technical screen (4 hours, takehome optional but expected)
  4. "Onsite" loop — 6 back-to-back interviews, no bathroom breaks
  5. Senior Zebra culture chat (vibes-based, fully subjective)
  6. Salary negotiation (your offer is "best and final" except theirs isn't)
  7. Onboarding into the same dysfunction described in the rest of this site

Still want to apply?

Brave. Or new to the industry. Either way, our talent team will absolutely not respond.

Submit application