All prices billed annually in EMHU — Employee Mental Health Units. No refunds. No exits. Procurement will lose your contract.
For 5–20 person teams pretending to be a "family"
For Series B/C companies installing a "people org"
For 1,000+ employee orgs with a Chief People Officer
For organizations that already mastered all of this in 1987
EMHU = Employee Mental Health Units. 1 EMHU ≈ one missed dinner with family. Conversion to USD intentionally undocumented to maximize procurement confusion.
Recurring 9 AM Saturday meeting that never gets canceled. +12 EMHU/mo.
Off-sites that are off the clock. Attendance tracked. +18 EMHU/mo.
Manager sends "?" at 11:47 PM. Auto-resends every 90 minutes until response. +9 EMHU/mo.
Always "next cycle." Forever. +24 EMHU/mo.
Quarterly reshuffles. New manager every 90 days. None of them read your last review. +33 EMHU/mo.
Friday 4:55 PM, calendar invite titled "team update 🙂". +Priceless EMHU.